Kill That Tracey!
by Friezaess
Summary: The newset gameshow craze where contestants get to kill Tracey in numerous bloody and grusmone ways! Hosted by the two lovely charming villains ^_^


_~*KILL THAT TRACEY!*~_   
  
Author's note: When Tracey first came into the series, I thought it would be cool to have a twerp that seemed to love drawing as much as I did. How wrong I was. This is my tribute to the annoying, dumbass bastard with the gay headband and the girly name ^_~!   
Luv, Friezaess.   
  
Voiceover: It's time for…   
Audience: KILL! THAT! TRACEY!   
*audience applauds as the two hosts of this sick and twisted (yet strangely appealing) gameshow walk on stage*   
Jessie: Prepare for trouble, we're hosting the show!   
James: And make it double, who would've known?   
Jessie: To protect the world from dumb replacements!   
James: To make sure Hell is where they're sent!   
Jessie: To annihilate them all, one by one!   
James: And while we're at it, give them a kick up the bum!   
Jessie: Jessie!   
James: James!   
Jessie: Team Rocket kills Tracey slowly and painfully!   
James: It's not morbid at all, in fact it's really quite funny!   
Meowth: *pops on stage* Kill, kill kill!   
*audience cheers again*   
  
Jessie: Welcome one and all to 'Kill That Tracey!', the show where we make sure that that stupid, lame-ass Pokemon watcher dies a slow and bloody death!   
James: We have selected three contestants who we ask a question. The first to buzz in with the correct answer gets to maim and torture the pencil twerp in lots of gruesome, bloody and just plain fun ways!   
Meowth: Let's meet da contestants!   
Voiceover: From the town of Pallet, Ash Ketchum!   
Ash: *walks on stage* Hi everybody! *trips over an electrical cable and falls into a camera, knocking it over like the dimwit he is* Oh, uh, whoops!   
*Everyone sweatdrops*   
Ash: *walks up to his spot behind one of those desk thingies with the buzzers on them gameshows have*   
Jessie: *grudgingly* So, tell us a bit about yourself, Ass.   
Ash: My name's 'Ash'.   
Jessie: Whatever.   
Ash: Well, I want to be the world's greatest Pokemon master!   
Jessie: *Really*? And how are you going to accomplish this feat?   
Ash: Bribe the writers, of course! How else do you think I beat anyone in this series?   
Meowth: That explains a lot!   
James: *reading from card* Now, on to contestant number two… *re-reads card a few times* Uh oh.   
Jessie: What?   
*Jessiebelle walks onto the stage, whip in hand*   
Jessiebelle: So this is where you got to, James dear!   
James: Eeee! *hides behind Jessie*   
Jessie: Uh… so what are your ambitions in life, Jessiebelle?   
Jessiebelle: *making lovey-dovey eyes at James*   
Jessie: I think we get the point. Moving right along-   
Jessiebelle: *throws herself into James's arms, who (being far from a weight-lifter) immediately drops her* That's no way to treat a lady! Let me show you the proper way!   
James: *runs backstage with Jessiebelle in hot pursuit*   
Jessie: Anyway, onto our third and final contestant- Botch!   
James: *from backstage* You've got to be kidding me! Who's writing this thing anyway?   
  
Friezaess: *snickers* ^_^   
  
Butch: *walking onstage and taking a seat behind his desk* The name's Butch!   
Jessie: Oh come now, do you hear Ass complaining?   
Ash: But-   
Jessie: Not that we really care, but the script says I have to ask you to give us a rundown of your life.   
Butch: I was born in 1981 as a result of an experiment involving cloning humans from frogs. When I was two I became addicted to cigarettes, and also started eating worms. My favourite colour is green and my favourite childhood toy is that vibrating thing I found in Mum's wardrobe-   
  
Jessie: Alrighty, now that we've met our three contestants…   
*Security guards bring Jessiebelle back on stage, followed by a nervous looking James*   
Jessie:… Let's start the game! But first the rules.   
James: *dusting himself off* We ask a question, and the first person to buzz in with the correct answer has to choose one of these doors.   
*Professor Oak, wearing a pink sparkly dress with a thigh-high spilt, pulls back a curtain to reveal a dozen numbered doors.*   
Brock: *appears out of nowhere next to Professor Oak* Why Professor, you look simply ravishing in that outfit! Perhaps after the show we can get together over dinner and, OW!   
Misty: *pulling him away by the ear* And I thought Bitchshipping was scary!   
Meowth: Behind every door is a different method of torturing our victim for tonight, which as you know is Tracey! Should he live 'til the end of the night, we'll have our resident assassin dispose of him.   
Togepi: *off stage and wielding a blood-stained butcher's knife* Priiiii!   
James: Now, let's bring him out- ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Tracey Sketchit!   
*Tracey (wearing a straight jacket so he can't escape) is pushed on-stage by a pair of burly security guards*   
Tracey: Hey, this isn't AA!   
*Crowd boos*   
Tracey: *waving* Wow! Hi everybody! My name's Tracey, and I like to sketch!   
Jessie: Alright, now it's time to play…   
Audience: Kill! That! Tracey! *cheers*   
Tracey: *sweatdrops* What did they just say?   
  
Jessie: First question! What was James wearing in the episode of Pokemon entitled 'Holiday at Alcopolco'?   
James: This really isn't my night…   
Jessiebelle: *buzzes in* A tailor made suit and tie with shiny new boots?   
Jessie: Incorrect!   
Ash: *buzzes in* A fig leaf?   
Jessie: Ah, not quite.   
Butch: Oh, I remember THAT episode! Hey James, remember when the Boss showed it at last year's Christmas party?   
James: *mumbling* He told me that he was laughing WITH me…   
Butch: *buzzes in* James here was wearing a voluptuous female bodysuit with a skimpy little bikini. At least I *think* it was a bodysuit.   
James: *grumbles*   
Jessie: Correct! Now, what number door would you like?   
Butch: I'll try lucky seven!   
*Professor Oak walks over to door number seven and opens it to reveal…*   
Meowth: Mobs of angry, mallet wielding Brock fans!   
*Tracey is shoved into the room where he is beaten, clobbered, mauled and just plain hurt. After a good pummeling, he is finally allowed out.*   
Tracey: *battered, bruised and missing a few teeth* Wow, I gotta get a sketch of this! *sketches Professor Oak next to the door*   
Professor Oak: Creep!   
  
James: Now, for our second question of the night- what is the term used for someone who wants Jessie and myself to get together? *grinning*   
Ash: *Buzzes in* Uh, is it Kokoshipper? *gets whacked by both James and Butch*   
Meowth: On James's behalf, no, that is incorrect!   
Jessiebelle: *Buzzes in* It-will-never-happen-because-he-is-destined-to-be-with-Jessiebelle-shipper?   
Jessie: What is THAT supposed to mean? *pulls out her mallet*   
James: Incorrect and moving right along!   
Jessiebelle: You know exactly what it means, hussy! *cracks her whip*   
Jessie: Come here, you Dolly Parton wannabe!   
*Jessie and Jessiebelle get in a brawl whilst the audience chants 'Fight! Fight! Fight!'. They are eventually restrained by a couple of security guards (on loan from Springer)*   
Tracey: *sketching* This'll be a keeper!   
Butch: *buzzes in* Oh for the love of God, Rocketshipper!   
James: Correct, thank gawd.   
Butch: *dances around in circles* Yay, I get to choose which door again! And I choose number eleven!   
*Professor Oak opens door number eleven to reveal…*   
Meowth: A tank full of angry Gyrados!   
*Tracey (who has barely recovered from the last beating) is thrown into the aforementioned tank of Gyrados, who proceed to chomp, drown and eat him all at once. The water turns red.*   
Jessie: Isn't this fun, folks?   
*Audience cheers*   
*Tracey is eventually fished out of the tank and dropped onto the floor like a drowned rat*   
Tracey: *cough, splutter* I think I wet my pants.   
  
Jessie: Ew! Alright, round number three. Why are Ash and co. always getting lost in those damned forests?   
Ash: *buzzes in* Because I'm an idiot who can't read a map and has no sense of direction!   
Jessie: Thought so! That sounds correct to me!   
Ash: Yay, I got it right! I choose door number twenty-two!   
Meowth: The doors only go up to twelve, dumbass.   
Ash: Oh, right. Then I choose number eight.   
*Professor Oak opens door number eight to reveal…*   
James: Marbles… MARBLES?! What the hell are they supposed to do?   
Tracey: *walks over to the room, managing to free his arms from what the Gyrados left of his straight jacket* Ooo, lollies! *puts a handful of them in his throat and starts to choke*   
James: Ohhhh, I see!   
*Tracey turns red, then blue, then purple*   
Jessiebelle: My, look at all the lovely colours!   
*Tracey manages to eventually swallow the marbles*   
Tracey: Dem's some lethal lollies!   
  
James: Alright, now onto the fourth question of the night, and it's true or false which means it should be an easy one. Now- the animators couldn't focus on Prima's breasts anymore if they tried in 'The Mandarin Island Miss Match'- true or false?   
Butch: *buzzes in* Damn, I missed that episode… I'll say… true?   
James: Incorrect, which means the next person to buzz in should get it!   
Ash: *buzzes in* Maybe?   
*everyone falls anime style*   
James: No, not maybe. Idiot.   
Jessiebelle: *buzzes in* Oh, I know, I know! False!   
James: Yes, correct answer Jessiebelle.   
Jessiebelle: Hurrah! Jamsey, howsabout you give me a kiss for good luck?   
*James hides behind Jessie again*   
Jessiebelle: Grr… fine. I choose door number five.   
*Professor Oak opens door number five to reveal…*   
Ash: Is that my Mum?   
Professor Oak: Delia! Good to see you again!   
Mrs. Ketchum: Ditto! Wanna have sex right here right now?   
Professor Oak: Sure! *enters the room with Mrs. Ketchum closing the door behind him. Soon moans and groans are heard from the room*   
Tracey: Nooooooooo!! Professor Oak, what about me?! Waaaaahaaaaahaaaa! *cries uncontrollably*   
Ash: What's sex?   
Meowth: Looks like it's time to find someone else to open da doors…   
Jessie: Now for-   
Tracey: WAAAAAAAAHHH!   
Jessie: Will somebody PLEASE shut him up?!!   
Togepi: *walks onstage and staples Tracey's lips together*   
  
Jessie: Ah, that's better. Now for our fifth and final question of the night. What colour are Tracey's underpants?   
Ash: *buzzes in a little too quickly* Pink.   
Jessie: What makes you say that?   
Ash: One time a read his diary. He went into graphic descriptions of what he wanted to do with Professor Oak and his underpants were mentioned several times. *shudders*   
Jessie: Wow, he really is a sicko. Well, considering the fact that I'm sure no-one here really wants to examine Tracey to make sure, I think that answer will do.   
Tracey: I can show you if you want! *pulls down his shorts*   
James: No, you really don't have to- eeeeeeewwww!!   
Meowth: Argh! I'm blind!   
Jessie: Gross, and he's still all wet from going in the Gyrados tank too!   
James: So?   
Jessie: His undies are… sticking to him!   
Everyone: Ewwwwwww!!!   
Tracey: *pulling up his shorts* *sigh* I feel so rejected.   
Jessie: Alright Ash, which door would you like?   
Ash: Number two!   
*Giovanni in a pink, sparkly dress with a thigh-high slit opens door number two*   
Jessie: That's our replacement?   
Giovanni: Shut up, or you'll both get pay cuts!   
James: *to self* Ooo, now I know what I'll be showing at this year's Christmas party!   
Jessie: And behind this door is… a happy little campfire!   
James: Huh?   
Jessie: *grabs Tracey's pencils and sketchpads and throws them into the campfire*   
Tracey: NOOOOOOOOO!!! *starts turning into ooze* I'm melting! Meeeeelting! AHHHHHhhhh…hhh…hhh… *is reduced to a puddle.*   
Meowth: Well dat was easy.   
James: Don't speak too soon.   
Tracey: *turns back onto his original self* Wow, I gotta sketch that! *pulls out a new pencil and paper and starts drawing*   
*Everyone falls over anime style*   
  
Jessie: *getting up* Alright Togepi, you know what to do!   
*The knife-wielding little egg walks onstage and starts slicing Tracey to bits. First his nose, then his fingers, then his chance at fatherhood. A few arcanine come on stage and start devouring the severed bits.*   
Tracey: I- *stab* gotta- *stab* sketch- *stab* this! *stab*   
*The arcanine use their fire attacks and turn him into a pile of burnt, smoldering flesh. Then a Ryhorn falls on him. The evil that is Tracey is finally dead.*   
James: Tracey pancakes for all!   
Everyone: Yay!!   
*Everyone lines up to receive their little flat, burnt piece of Tracey.*   
Butch: *chewing* Mmm, I like having his meat in my mouth!   
*everyone drops their forks and stares*   
Butch: What, what'd I do?   
Jessiebelle: Speaking of which… *leers at James*   
Jessie: Oh no you don't! He's mine! *Starts passionately kissing James for no apparent reason. Jessiebelle starts twitching then explodes.*   
Meowth: Wow! How's DAT for a Rocketshippy twist?   
  
Misty: Hm… I don't think we should've eaten Tracey.   
Ash: Why's that?   
Misty: Well, I don't know about you… but all of a sudden I've got a strange urge to sketch Professor Oak in the nude.   
Everyone: … Yeah.   
Jessie: Uh… refreshments anyone?   
*Everyone gets totally pissed to drown out that little piece of Tracey inside them, thus killing off the atrocity forever. Or have they?*   
  
Tracey's burnt, flattened and mutilated mouth (that no-one has eaten yet): What a great show! I'm gonna sketch it!   
Alien *appearing out of nowhere*: Tracey, have you completed your task of annoying the world into insanity?   
Tracey's mouth: Pretty much.   
Alien: Alrighty then. Let's go home.   
Tracey's mouth: *sprouts legs and walks away, never to be seen on Earth again.*   
  
THE END!   
  
NB: News just in- Tracey's mother ship was caught in a black hole, where he was vaporized and died a horrible painful death. And thank God for that! 


End file.
